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There are so many reasons and explanations out there for your marriage to not work. Looking at statistics can be depressing when you realize that marriage is an uphill battle. But taking this best marriage advice and applying it to your marriage will give you the best chance at a successful marriage!
1. Your marriage should be your second priority- coming only after God
If you’re newly married you’ll quickly learn how life likes to push it’s way to the top spot of your priorities. If you’ve been married- you’re well aware. Making your marriage a priority is something that you need to choose to do. Some days will be easier than others. But it must be an intentional choice. If you want to know how to stay married this is your number one tip.
2. Give 100/100
I’m sure you’ve heard the saying while looking up marriage problems advice “marriage is 50/50”. But that leaves room for quitting. A lot of couples will measure their effort and if it’s not being reciprocated then they dial their own effort down. But if you are determined to give 100 percent at all times you’re not worried about your spouse and what they are or aren’t doing.
A book that helped me learn this was The Excellent Wife by Martha Peace. I read this book when I was first married and have read it every year since. It has so much valuable information in it on being a biblical wife, I learn and apply something new every year.
Marriage isn’t just about what our spouse can do for us, it’s also what we can do for them. As the years’ pass, sometimes one has to put in more effort than the other and then vice versa. And that’s ok, you chose to be partners for life.
3. The best marriage advice I’ve ever heard: Don’t complain about your spouse to others
Don’t talk about your marital problems if you’re just going to say everything your spouse is doing wrong.
You know why?
The small arguments that you have with your spouse you will move on from. You’ll let go and forget (hopefully, since as Christians that’s what we should be doing.)
But the people you tell will be left with a negative impression of your spouse. And when they bring it up a year later as if it’s still a huge deal and hump in your marriage you won’t even know what they’re talking about.
This is especially true with your parents. Sometimes it’s easy to unload all the bad and forget about the good. But if you were only hearing about the bad that your daughter’s husband was doing- what kind of impression would you have of him? You’d most likely not like him, or think that behind closed doors he’s a horrible husband.
Truth is- no marriage is perfect, every couple disagrees and has rough patches. The point is to get up and move on. But it’s hard to move on when you’ve spewed out words that you can’t take back to the people outside of your marriage.
4. Get outside help
In this day and age, most of our generation have a skewed view of marriage. We have no clue what we’re supposed to do or how we’re supposed to do it.
Most of us grew up in a broken home with no picture of marriage.
So to enter marriage thinking that you’ll have the romance you’ve seen on TV is sometimes unrealistic. Especially if your spouse, like mine- never watched those movies or saw those examples.
There is nothing wrong with growing in wisdom in your marriage. This is one of the main rules for a successful marriage. Even if you’re not having problems, marriage counseling can always be beneficial.
And there are always books. Check out my post here on The Best Marriage Advice Books.
5. Find what connects you and grow together
Is there anything that you both like? If so you should pursue doing that together so that you keep common interests. If there isn’t then find something. You could learn to love something your spouse loves or vice versa. Or you could even find something new to do together.
But whatever it is, make sure to continue to do things together. It doesn’t have to be every week or every day. But you should find time to do something together that you both love. This helps you figure out how to stay married.
6. What’s the best marriage advice? Pray together.
Growing your prayer life together can do wonders for your marriage. When you pray together you see the intimate sides of each other. You can seek and petition God for one another. It strengthens your faith and your bond at the same time. Keeping Christ at the center of your marriage is crucial to being successful.
7. Gain wisdom from other marriages
Do you have a married couple or two that you can watch? I’m not telling you to be a creep. But gleaning wisdom from other marriages can be very helpful. You can learn things that you would like to implement in your own marriage. And you can also see what you don’t want to do.
Being around other married couples you can also ask for their advice and wisdom. If a couple has been married longer than you, chances are- they’ve been where you are and can help you get through it.
8. Be intentional about spending time together
Set aside time for each other- every day. It’s so easy to turn into roommates in marriage. But if you are intentional about making time together to talk, pray, do a devotional together or whatever it is that you like to do- then that won’t happen.
My husband and I set aside time every night after our kids go to sleep to talk about our day, do our devotional and spend time together.
It’s easy to get into a routine of sitting down with phones in hand and the TV on. You may be in the same room- but that’s not spending time together. Be intentional.
I talk about this more in my free 5-Day Marriage Revival Course.
9. Encourage your spouse
It can be easy in marriage to start to point out everything your spouse is doing wrong. I mean, we are the ones who are with them most of the time and most likely know them best right? But your spouse is supposed to lean on you. If you are the one they love most in the world and they are only hearing negative things from you- how do you think that is impacting them?
Encourage them. Speak life into them. Into their dreams, and ambitions.
Tell them you appreciate them and what they do.
And if you think they need to do more and it’s hard to find something nice to say read my post here on How to Get your Husband to do Whatever you want.
10. Don’t call names
If you’ve been breaking your spouse down with name calling, can I challenge you to build them back up? You married this person to spend the rest of your life with.
Name calling only tears them down and makes them unmotivated to do anything. You cannot take those words and those names back. No matter how strong you think your spouse is- it effects them.
If you’ve been name calling, purpose yourself to stop. Immediately.
Take some time to sit down when you’re not angry and think of better responses than the ones you’re so used to using. Or choose to not say anything at all until you can get past that quick urge to spew out a mean name.
11. Best Christian advice for newlyweds: Don’t curse at each other
Start off on the right foot and never allow this in your marriage.
As a Christian, I don’t curse. And if you are following God you shouldn’t either. However, for those who do- those words seem to hold more weight in our vocabulary.
They show how angry you are. And sometimes it can feel like it’s impossible to get the gravity of what you’re feeling across without using them.
But curse words are sinful for good reason. You know how hurtful they can be and that’s why you use them.
Your marriage should be filled with love. You should be speaking life into your marriage- not using horrible words towards each other.
12. Best marriage advice from the Bible: Think before you speak
Sometimes, in the heat of our anger, a quick pause can save the day. Before you respond, pause and think. Pause and pray. Count down from 10 or do whatever you need to- to think of a better response.
The Bible says “a soft answer turns away wrath.” (Proverbs 15:1)
Could you imagine how many arguments and angry days could be saved be just a simple pause?
I’m all about pausing. It is so beneficial in all relationships. Find out how I pause and use The S.E.L.A.H. Method here.
13. If your marriage is breaking- FIX IT.
There are so many resources out there to fix marriages. My favorite is from marriage max. Click the banner below to begin to fix your marriage
Marriage is not a one-way street. If you are making an important life decision it should be discussed. Why? Because you are a team and you are doing life together. You have to be able to meet in the middle on some things.
Do you know who the best mediator in compromise is? God.
When you are just stuck, or even before you get stuck. Seek God together. Pray about it together and let Him help you make those decisions.
That way, when you hear from God what you should do, it saves an argument because you know what the answer is.
15. Best marriage advice for a man: Men learn to love your wives as Christ loves the church
Be an example of Christ to your wife. How does Christ love? He sacrifices. He washed His disciples’ feet. The more you learn about the life of Jesus the more you can apply to your marriage.
This isn’t just a suggestion. It’s a commandment in the Bible. Ephesians 5:25.
When Paul wrote this he chose to emphasize a self-sacrificial love for wives- instead of authority.
As a husband grows closer to Christ it should become easier to mirror the love of Christ to his wife.
16. Best marriage advice for a woman: Wives learn to respect your husbands
In marriage, God purposed both a husband and a wife to have their own roles. Just as Jesus submits to God the Father, that does not make him unequal. He is the second person in the Trinity. Equal yet has a different role.
This is the same for marriage. As a wife, you have a role to submit to and respect your husband. That doesn’t mean he should have dominant authority over you. There should always be room for compromise.
But as a wife, you should respect your husband’s opinion. Not belittle him by making known you think your idea or your way is better than his.
17. Have regular check-ups
There should be consistency in checking in and making sure your marriage is working for both of you. I wrote a simple guide of 5 questions to ask your spouse to improve your marriage. Check it out. Make some time and ask each other those questions every now and then!
18. Work on your communication
Communication is one of the biggest problems in a marriage. I’ve had so many people respond to my marriage revival course that the number one issue in their marriage is communication.
If communication is something you struggle with, grab the Consecrated Conversations Devotional for couples below:
19. Not everything is their fault
When I first got married I told my husband “Be prepared because I’m never wrong and everything will be your fault” HA! I look back and laugh at myself.
Being unwilling to admit fault in your actions can be extremely damaging in marriage. I learned quickly that I was capable of mistakes. And I’m sure you know deep down that you aren’t perfect.
And that’s ok, Christ didn’t create us to be perfect. We can learn from our mistakes and grow as a couple. Mistakes make us better, they give us wisdom on what not to do next time.
But we cannot blame everything on our spouse. It’s unhealthy and damaging. Learn how to take responsibility for your own actions.
20. Build a hedge around your marriage
If you’re not already doing this, then you should implement this right away.
There should always be caution taken when making friends of the opposite sex in marriage. No- I’m not saying you can’t have friends.
However, your marriage should be the most intimate relationship you have. If you have a friend of the opposite sex that you share more with than your spouse- this is not ok.
If you intentionally spend time with a person of the opposite sex without your spouse knowing- this is not ok and can damage your marriage.
Relationships with the opposite sex should always be something taken with great caution.
If the friend is mutual and there are boundaries then there shouldn’t be a problem.
However, there should always be boundaries in your friendships. I’ll say it again- your relationship with your spouse should be the most intimate relationship you have.
21. Date each other
Be intentional about dating your spouse. Plan a weekly/ bi-monthly date night.
If you have children- get a babysitter.
Or if you’re like me and don’t have a babysitter then date at home. Feed your children a little early and put them to bed and have dinner together- no children. Order in or make something special.
It’s important to make time for romance and spending time together.
22. Set a happy tone in your house
No one likes being around a grouch. I learned quickly that I set the tone in our house. If I’m grumpy and upset- the whole house is- including our children.
You don’t have to act happy all the time- that’s unsustainable. But you also shouldn’t be upset and grouchy all the time.
Try your best to build a happy home by being happy.
23. Tell each other you love each other
Words are so powerful. It should be a habit to tell your spouse that you love them. It’s a daily reminder of your affection towards one another.
Text them. Tell them when you get off the phone.
Say I love you when you leave the house.
24. Ask, how can I help?
Marriage is a partnership, right? So we should always be willing to help each other. In the good days and the bad. If your spouse is struggling with something, see how you can help them. Sometimes they just need encouragement from you. Sometimes they just want you to stand next to them. But try to help.
If your spouse is trying to accomplish something, ask how you can help.
If they are going through something rough, ask how you can help.
25. Give compliments
What is your spouse doing right? Tell them!
Tell your spouse how attracted you are to them.
You can tell them you like their hair, or what they wore today.
Tell them you like the meal they cooked, or something they created.
It’s always nice to hear a compliment.
26. Pray for each other
You should be praying for your spouse. Here are some ideas on things to pray:
- Their dreams and aspirations.
- Their relationship with Christ
- Your spouse’s job
- When they leave the house you can pray for their safety
- Pray for their wisdom
- Pray for their relationships
- And of course, pray for your marriage
27. Have sex.
God created sex for us to enjoy inside of a marriage. You should be having it. Consistently. Whatever that means for you!
If you want to grow deeper in your intimacy join the 7 Days of Deeper Intimacy Challenge by Livingourpriorities!
28. Put your phones away
Being attached to our phones is tearing marriages apart. The time spent on your phone could be spent doing something productive with your spouse.
Put your phones down when you get home and be intentional about spending time together.
29. Expect what they’ve shown you
You cannot expect your spouse to be someone they aren’t. If they pursued you at the beginning of your relationship then they are capable of doing it again. But if they never wrote you a 5 page song and sang it while playing the piano- don’t expect them to.
We cannot expect our spouse to be someone they aren’t. That doesn’t mean we can’t pray about it or that they can’t try to give us what we desire. But don’t have an outlandish expectation of your spouse and be constantly disappointed in a dream you’ve created that cannot be fulfilled.
30. Know your spouses love language and intentionally love them the way they receive love
Figuring out each other’s love language can change your marriage. We each give and receive love differently. And you could be, and probably are- speaking a different love language than your spouse. But if you’re speaking different languages…it’s hard for both of you to receive the love you most desperately need.
31. Let the husband lead
It’s how God designed marriage. Husband’s are supposed to lead their wives. And wives are supposed to follow them. What does that practically look like? Here are some great examples:
- The wife is led by her husband to read her Bible because he reads his.
- She’s led to pray because her husband prays and/or prays with her.
- A husband wants to go to church or get involved in serving in the church so the wife is motivated to also
- The husband decides to stop a sin that both he and his wife are doing and so the wife also stops
32. NEVER use the D word.
Never ever ever mention divorce. Threatening divorce in a marriage is one of the most unhealthy practices. If divorce is always on the table, how can you not always be walking on eggshells around each other? You made a commitment to stick with each other. So do that. Determine to figure it out instead of bringing up divorce.
We’ve been told that 50% of marriages end in divorce, and according to refinery29, that’s just not true. Don’t let a statistic doom your marriage.
Marriage is no walk in the park it takes hard work and determination. You must be determined to stick through it, work it out and put your marriage first. If you implement these best marriage advice tips they will help in the success of your marriage!
If your marriage needs a revival sign up below for my FREE email course!
- 1. Your marriage should be your second priority- coming only after God
- 2. Give 100/100
- 3. The best marriage advice I’ve ever heard: Don’t complain about your spouse to others
- 4. Get outside help
- 5. Find what connects you and grow together
- 6. What’s the best marriage advice? Pray together.
- 7. Gain wisdom from other marriages
- 8. Be intentional about spending time together
- 9. Encourage your spouse
- 10. Don’t call names
- 11. Best Christian advice for newlyweds: Don’t curse at each other
- 12. Best marriage advice from the Bible: Think before you speak
- 13. If your marriage is breaking- FIX IT.
- 14. Compromise
- 15. Best marriage advice for a man: Men learn to love your wives as Christ loves the church
- 16. Best marriage advice for a woman: Wives learn to respect your husbands
- 17. Have regular check-ups
- 18. Work on your communication
- 19. Not everything is their fault
- 20. Build a hedge around your marriage
- 21. Date each other
- 22. Set a happy tone in your house
- 23. Tell each other you love each other
- 24. Ask, how can I help?
- 25. Give compliments
- 26. Pray for each other
- 27. Have sex.
- 28. Put your phones away
- 29. Expect what they’ve shown you
- 30. Know your spouses love language and intentionally love them the way they receive love
- 31. Let the husband lead
- 32. NEVER use the D word.