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Just because you said in your vows “or for worse” does not mean that we should take that as an excuse to be able to be “worse” in our marriage. If there is one thing I’ve learned in my marriage it is that being humble can take you a long way in your relationship.
I am the type of wife that always wants to improve everything, including my marriage. I know the bible says we can’t be perfect, but does that mean we shouldn’t strive for perfection? Don’t get me wrong, my marriage is far from perfection. But my husband and I are doing what we can to improve it.
I started asking my husband these questions and encouraged him to ask me them when we were about a year into our marriage.
I have to warn you, before you ask, please try your best to be humble. Some answers you may not like, some answers may surprise you. But in the end, this could greatly affect your marriage for the good.
Before you ask, please stop for a moment and read through the questions and the descriptions. I am not trying to create division in your homes, I’m trying to create closeness. And asking improperly will for sure cause the former.
So get a piece of paper, take a screenshot, pin this for later and ask your spouse!
1. Is there anything you need from me as your spouse that I’m not giving you?
Now, sit back and listen without interrupting. If you’re offended by what they say, please, pause and think before you respond. You asked a question giving your spouse the impression that they could trust you enough to be honest with you. What they respond with, may hurt, but I would hope they wouldn’t be saying it if it wasn’t truly a need or needs of theirs.
But what if I completely disagree with what they say?
This is the time to involve a third party. But wait, before you call your friend, I’m talking about God. He knows the answers, and He can tell you what to do. In every situation. Pray and ask God to humble you, ask Him to show you if what your spouse is asking you is something that you can and should be doing.
Of course, if your spouse is asking you to sin, that should be an automatic no. But if he/she is saying something that you can actually do, why not try it? I think it’s worth it if you want to improve your marriage. Love is sacrifice, right? Let’s sacrifice for our spouses.
2. Is there anything that I do that hurts you?
This one might sting a little. But what if the answer is something you never expected? Something small that you do that’s been impacting your spouse silently for years. It could be the way we talk about them or say little comments that undermined them. It could be a name that you jokingly call your spouse that makes them insecure.
Whatever it is, listen and make a change. We married our spouses because we love them, we want to grow old with them. We don’t want to hurt them or have them resent us. These are the things that start small but create huge barriers in a marriage or any relationship for that matter.
Let’s hope they don’t have an answer to this question, but if they do, please do your best to stop whatever it is that you’re doing to hurt them.
3. Is there something I used to do that you wish I still did?
There are so many things that factored into our spouse wanting to spend the rest of their lives with us. But as we grow older, we all change. We stop doing old things to try new things, right?
But maybe there’s something your spouse misses about you that they still need. It’s not impractical for them to want something that you already possess or showed them you can do. Could it be more romance? More dates? Handwritten letters?
Either way, if it’s something you’re still capable of, why not give it a try? Remember the end goal is to better your marriage.
4. Do you feel like there is an area in our marriage where God is missing?
I don’t know about ya’ll, but I want God to be in the center of everything we do. Heck, some couples even pray before they have sex. God created marriage and every aspect of it. Shouldn’t we involve the One who created us in all that we do?
Maybe He’s slipped from your conversations, your dinner table, or your decision making. This is the question that I know any answer your spouse gives you will be worth implementing. Because when God is involved, how can you go wrong?
5. What would you change about our sex life?
Womp. Womp. You had to have known this was coming right? Remember, God created sex too. And how can you go wrong with improving this part in your marriage? I’d like to see a creative answer to that question!
Now, this is one of, if not the most intimate part of your marriage. So I’m sure it may be a sensitive subject.
Remember, women and men are built differently. A wife may answer that she doesn’t want to have sex that much, while a husband may answer that ya’ll don’t have sex enough. We are wired completely different. But the good thing about a marriage is compromise.
Find a way to meet your spouse somewhere in the middle, to literally get both of your needs met. (pun intended)
You’ve found out all this information, now what are you going to do with it? Try to take the smallest thing (or if you’re brave- the biggest thing) and start changing it. Right now. Your marriage is worth the sacrifice.
Can you picture how much strength you’ll build in your marriage from implementing what you learn from each other? There are also some lovely devotionals I’d like to recommend to you!
They only take about five minutes to get through, and of course, there’s always an option for more conversation when you’re done. But these will help build you up, strengthen your bond and start on a path to an unshakable marriage!
You can find them here:
There’s no need to have lots of mystery in your marriage. Ask questions with the intention of growing closer together. Be intentional in growing closer to your spouse. Go out on a limb and get a little uncomfortable to ask how to improve and actually implement the feedback you get from your spouse and watch your marriage blossom! If you’d like to continue on your journey of improving your marriage, here is a devotional I highly recommend (it’s an oldie but goodie) :
What do you think? Tell me how it goes! And if you have any “hard question” suggestions leave them in the comments, I’ll be sure to respond!
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